A Different Christmas

It has been a bit quiet here on the blog. It's already December and I probably should be preparing for Christmas. In a way I am but this time I'm preparing myself for a different kind of Christmas.

Currently I'm seeing an overflow of Christmas everywhere. Instagram is full of beautiful pictures of December Daily pages and Christmas cards. Everything looks so pretty but I don't have a Christmas mood at all.

I have bought all the Christmas presents. Normally I love to find gifts to my loved ones but this time I just wanted to get over it. I just can't handle this right now.

It's the first Christmas without my Mom.

She loved Christmas. We baked Christmas cookies together and wrapped the gifts together after long shopping days. She decorated her home with beautiful Christmas decorations. She made the Christmas feel like Christmas.

Everyone says that the first year is the hardest. Right now the idea of Christmas without her feels so overwhelmingly hard. Even now I'm trying to type this through the tears. This Christmas I need to visit my mom's grave and that feels so bad.

As a scrapbooker I still want to document the real life. Like in this layout I wanted to write down some thoughts about my Mom's birthday and the flowers I left to her grave.

This is hard.

Materials: Scrapbook Werkstatt / Maggie Holmes Shine